I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
