My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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