Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
