Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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