Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize