I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
