either way he was missing a nipple.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
