the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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