Are we in a gay sports bar?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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