you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
