I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
