Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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