I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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