Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My vagina is officially offended.
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