How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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