I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you would pick up someone in the library
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
