Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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