Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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