Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize