Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
