Soap is not a condiment
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
