So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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