I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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