Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i've created a new STD.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
