You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
