Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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