I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
