I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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