The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
