Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize