remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
