Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
