dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize