dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
