You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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