Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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