KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
