fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
