After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
