And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize