I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
