i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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