Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
