Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
