hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
