Can Purell be used as lube?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize