so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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