don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
