he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
