is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
