I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
