It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need moral support for this bender
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
