i need an iv and a liver transplant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
