We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize