you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
