Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
