youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
