i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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