My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
