I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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