Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
