Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
