I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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