just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
