Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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