I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry about my life...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
