I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
