I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
