I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry about my life...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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