I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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