you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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