i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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