Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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