Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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