My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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