In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
