Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
