My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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