I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
