good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
