Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
