Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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