she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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