smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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