My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
