I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize