My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
