I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
