2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
